nothing much happens nowadays. but everything is coming to an end, and i'm waiting for the nothing, to begin doing something. 

sometimes people are so awful and distasteful, i wonder if they hate themselves.

once there was a girl, who forgot who she was. she forgot how to be happy at the right times, because she didn't know what happy was. she didn't know when to be sad, because she couldn't remember what sad was. she never knew the right things to say or what to wear. she was sure that whatever she was thinking, was never what anyone else was thinking. 

she couldn't figure out of she was lonely or not, and wondered what she should be doing, when she was doing nothing. 

really, she was quite lucky, and always behaved most inappropriately. 

pretending is the key to happiness. 

the boy wanted to be a flower, and the only colours he liked were grey and mauve. 

it was clear they'd received too much therapy to know the truth. 

i wrote this story;

once a boy and girl fell in love, not with each other, but with each other's reflections.

 the girl preferred the perfect picture of the boy in the mirror, instead of the real boy. 

the boy also liked the flawless reflection rather than the real life girl. 

the girl cried warm tears and her hair was soft and sweet smelling. the boy had feathery eyelashes and strong muscles that could have carried her if she wanted.

but they only liked the crystal, cold reflections of each other that were untouchable. the mirror was icy and hard as their hands touched, both smiling in sync, mirror and lover, but never meeting the right pair of sparkling eyes. 

today we went for high tea. mostly, the day was wonderful. 

it'd be really nice to have warm hands and toes. to stand forever in the shower, be able to smoke inside, and live anywhere but here. 

thank you for assuming. i know this is belated, but i love you back. 

also, nothing. 

i love you, really.

i have tattoos engraved in my skin everywhere, and i secretly love them.

one, reminds me of a time i'm not sure even existed. another, strangeness. then others, alcohol and dreaming. loneliness.  the people i love most, and share hearts with. and some are leftover from the most in love i've ever been in.

no offense, but you're not that kooky.

no offense, but you're not that fun. 

sometimes, colour is the most terrifying thing. it's just there, being bright and scary.

today it was so lovely and rainy and cold. 

last night i had a dream that aimee and i were prostitutes. then, we were in a store and someone tried to steal my handbag, but i only had ten dollars. i wouldn't let them take my bag, and when the police came they thought i was a hero. they didn't know i was secretly a prostitute. then i went to a  cafe and told some mean people about how i was a hero, but also a prostitute that the police didn't know about.  

wow, it sounds really boring now. sorry for wasting your time.

today carly and i thought about how one day, everyone will be microchipped. like animals, a small chip in the back of your neck. there's no hiding with a microchip. people will be able to always know where you are, and who you are. if you died in a fire or something. that scares me. 

that's what makes the future so terrifying, because every day we get closer to being captured forever. 1984 is not so far away. 

i burnt my fingerprints off at work. i could steal things without a trace.

zooey ate a spider, then looked for it. i said, zooey it's gone. you ate it. poor baby.

how fitting, that the people one loves the most, are the ones that cause the most pain.

bulletins become so boring, and the questions are always the same. today my mother said that i hated her and i didn't deny it. 

if you knew someone you once knew hated you, wouldn't you want to know why? yes, i would. 

i've made a new ritual, for chai tea and cigarettes in the rain. isn't it wonderful?

oh no. just as i said that, zooey did catch a bird. james and i chased her around the yard, with the poor sparrow in her mouth. it kept trying to get away, and i screamed. that poor bird. i always knew zooey was vicious without reason. just like alex. 

i really hope zooey catches a bird one day, and drops it at my window. she just tries so hard. 

carly is funnier than I could ever hope to be.
she said her iron sachets taste like blood. yuck. disgusting.
then she said, but... if I ever get vampire urges...

today, carly pretended to die, to see if zooey would meow for help. instead, zooey just tilted her head on the side, and walked away. 

oh, i just met the nicest neighbor. we spoke for hours, and now i've done no english homework, and no psychology homework.

she loves cats, and her boyfriend is from america. she invited me over on saturday, is that strange?

today i made dinner with almonds. carly said she hated nuts, spat it out and said, "argh i'm going to get a cold sore"

then, she drank all the raspberry soda without leaving me one sip.

so i said, "i hope you get a million cold sores and your face rots away"

what a pleasant evening. 

this is what i have; two cats and a box of sugar cubes.

this is what i don't; everything.

god, i'm so selfish. 

today was horrible. i hate summer, and i hate being poor, and i hate wanting everything. maybe being terribly insatiable is one of my flaws too. 

so, how great are dictionaries? really.

Oh, it's so terrible when you learn that you really want something. Something you can't get by just pulling your top down, or pressing money into people's palms. 

I think zooey is a killer, and I like that. If only she could kill people. 

do you have any idea how hard it is to become more clever?

I think that mostly I'm afraid of living for too long, because then I need to figure out what to do. 

So the moon came back a few nights ago, and aimee and I were so happy to see it. Also, the homeless man and his pet tiger who used to hide in my backyard have gone. Maybe to watch someone else while they sleep. 

How nice is it when the days all get mixed up, and you walk around dressed for sunday, when really, it's wednesday.

oh, my feet are dying and I hate the tennis. There is no where to smoke, and today when I was smoking, I heard someone yell out, "No one fucking smokes at the tennis" well, I do. Actually, that made me laugh. 

Today, I was sitting outside drinking bourbon and coke, smoking and listening to Black Dog by Led Zeppelin, screaming in my head. Then, all I can hear is Carly yelling from inside, 

"drink down that gin and kerosene, and come spit off bridges with me..."

So, I accidentally got chocolate on the laptop. I've spilt tea on it before too, so I'm surprised we're still getting along. 

Today, zooey jumped all the way from carly's desk to her bed, amazing.