what a darling joint. marriage.

tea, and repetition, and dullness of the mind. each day there's less and less I need, less time awake.

there's an evil something going on, some emptiness, some dark hole that seems comforting. and as it promised, time creeps by, everyday that has nothing to show for itself.

the garden is so lovely and always there, even though it doesn't belong to anyone. i had such a surprisingly nice pot of tea today.

being no good at anything, makes me a waste of space really. today i ate a pizza, with smoked salmon, and tomato, and cheese. it was awful, and i didn't want to eat it, but i thought it was more nutritious than eating sheets of puff pastry covered in sugar.

every cigarette is doing you damage. how ridiculous.

everybody said i looked different at work today. i think that's just from being sad. but i didn't say that.

oh dear, i've gotten fatter. only watered down orange juice from now on.

kitty cat kisses, beg to be fed. and it's so fun to chase the air, and tire yourself out.

i'll sit here till summer, and keep on my coat even in the sun. and i'll wait till winter, when it will be fitting, and i won't look so strange. and in the spring, flowers will grow out of my sleeves, and in winter mushrooms will cover my collar. but they will be of the deadliest poison, and that's the best i'll get.

roar. gosh i love candy, and chocolate, and popping candy with foot shaped strawberry dippers. and cigarettes, and alcoholic banana milkshakes, and blue soda, and buttery toast, and milk, and salt, and cooking wine, and cream. and biscuits, and caramel.

sometimes is feels like there is nothing, and other times, too much. and there's so much to be, but nothing to be also. you know?

a lonely bottle of champagne, can fill me up.

until the morning.

i forgot what real carrots tasted like, i just thought they tasted of nothing. but they taste real, and cold and crunchy and sweet.

it's easier to just give in. give in to the cold, because we'll never be warm.

a hat, is more forgiving than a cat.

deleting is so satisfying.

oh how i wish,

i was dead

as a dead thing.

and it would be,

quiet as, well

anything.

and you'd never,

have to worry

about a thing.

because you'd be

quite dead

as a dead thing.

not even the garden wanted to speak to me today.

sometimes you can make sadness go away with a cup of tea.

sometimes, you cannot.

and sometimes, lemon and honey taste awful after brushing your teeth. and sometimes, cigarettes make me thirsty.

and sometimes, only sometimes, if you are lucky, moments will pass where you forget that you are anything.

today, the closest i could get to the outside rain was shining droplets on business suits. oh goodness this makes me sad. why can i not garden, and cook and bake all day, and never work?

when i left home it was dark, and when i got home it was dark, and i never got to see my darling english spinach babies, popping their sweet little heads out to drink the rain.

well oh well. some people are quite strange. today i was in the very middle of footscray. the very innards of the rotting, disgusting, disease filled hole that footscray now is, with it's spitting, and smelling, and sweating and swearing. then i realised that i am quite a snob. and so, i went to forges and stole a pair of lovely woolen socks, because the shop assistant was quite rude. oh, how i am so much better. or quite the contrary.