it all turns shit so fast, faster than i can pretend.

we're not like you. we go to dirty old pubs, where lost men with their lost teeth reside. you can't really meet people there, but maybe we like the people we've already met. you don't really dance there, but if there's some live music and cheap alcohol, we will be the only ones dancing. we don't dance like you dance. it's not seductive or sleazy, it's just fun and silly and spontaneous.

we don't drink what you drink, specially made, fancy rainbow coloured bottled drinks. it's cheap, dirty, bad. whatever gives the fastest hit with the least amount of dollars, like paint junkies who can't afford the real thing.

and we don't think like you think. we think about flowers and tea, and cigarettes, and hurting. and we don't worry about what you worry about, school marks, or boyfriends or getting our hair wet. we worry about that we'll be if we lose each other, and we worry that maybe we really are nothing. i think that's what we're most afraid of. because we're not like you, and we're not afraid of dying.

sometimes i forget that i can feel things.